Growing Pains, the lies we tell, the chasm between us
by T.J. Wise
Summary: This picks up from Damon and Elena's conversation on S4E1 and explores Damon's side of this debacle. I am not mad at how the episode went, but I am really growing tired of the "it will always be Stefan" routine. So this is a way to let out some steam. It's a one shot only. Please let me know what you think! xoxo
1. Chaos within

**AN: My oh my... Season 4, episode 1 aired yesterday and... well, it was good if somewhat predictable. Too bad for those of us that are DElena fans. Worse for those of us that are Damon fans and are starting to get tired of his heart being torn to pieces... I wrote this one chapter story to let out some steam, frustration and Eminen's "Love the way you lie" fueled it (if you know the song you will pick references to it in Damon's speech). Let me know how you like it. xoxo**

**ps: I had to use commas instead of periods to put pauses for each hit because FF would delete the words otherwise.**

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"But you know that because the first time we met is not the only thing you remember is it?" – Damon asked bitterly.

He searched Elena's eyes for the answer he knew would never be forthcoming. Damon knew he was a bloody fool for even hoping… One last look and he walked away leaving Elena behind… until the next time she called…

Damon strode into the night frustrated beyond hell. He was tired of the games, of being a pawn in her hands, of the same patterns and the same tired routines.

"FUCK!" – Damon growled as his fist connected with the nearest tree –"FUCK,FUCK,FUCK!" – he bellowed as he assaulted the tree one deadly punch at a time.

"_**Why**,do, I, have, to, feel, so, muc_h?!"- he angrily asked the night –"**Turn it off you**, STUPID,WHIPPED,LOVE,SICK,IDIOT!"

He collapsed against the remains of the tree, his hands bloodied, his heart torn beyond repair.

"Ric…"- he breathed wanting more than anything to have a friend to talk to.

The leaves rustled softly and Damon could have sworn he felt a presence.

"Great…" – he chuckled without humor –"Now I'm also delusional!"

His phone buzzed and he checked the caller id.

"I am not in the mood baby Gilbert." – he bit out as he answered the phone.

"Damon, I have a message for you…"

"_No."-_ he hissed_- "I_ have a message for you. _Tell your sister to leave me the fuck in peace!_"

"The message is from Ric Damon…"

"Ric?"- Damon croaked, his brows knitting together –"You gotta be fucking kidding me."

"He says he is there with you…"

"Right…"- Damon said in disbelief.

"And that you can talk on the dirty forest floor or, I quote, "You can pick your ass up and go to his place where you can drink his second rate booze supply and fix your hands."

"He-he's really here?" – Damon asked in awe and desperation.

"Well, that is where he said he would be when he left me."- Jeremy replied rolling his eyes –"Right after he told me that Elena had turned and that he had to go look after you."

"Thank you …" – Damon mumbled.

"Excuse me?" – Jeremy said with sarcasm –"Damon Salvatore said thank you?"

"Don't push your luck baby Gilbert" – Damon sneered before hanging up.

"Your house it is." – Damon said to the empty space as he got up and shook the leaves off him –"Cool trick with the distant messaging and the rustle of leaves man."- he acknowledged as an afterthought.

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Minutes later Damon opened the door to Ric's apartment, from where he stood he could see that no one had been here in a really long time. He took in a deep breath he didn't need and closed the door behind him.

"This really sucks man…"- he sighed –"Maybe whichypoo can find a way to bring you back?"- Damon said wistfully –"Then again you wouldn't want that right?" - he smiled knowingly.

"When did things get so fucked up Ric?" – he asked as he turned the kitchen tap to wash the blood of his hands – "You are a ghost haunting baby Gilbert, I'm a love sick fool and Elena…" – his shoulders sagged –"I couldn't save her Ric… I failed…"- he whispered crookedly and his body collapsed to the floor as sobs wracked his form.

"I can hardly explain how this feels Ric… I can only tell you that right now it's feels like a fucking steel knife against my windpipe… I tried so hard to keep her alive… and for what Ric?...I can't breathe, she's dead Ric, but not dead…She didn't want this… We lost so fucking much to stop her from dying…I am so tired and still I cannot walk away… I keep fighting when there is nothing to fight for!... I'm an idiot! She chose him… _HIM not me_…like everyone else… I should run Ric, I should run as fast as I can but as long as this wrong between us feels right I can't leave… I can't fucking leave Ric!"- he wailed -"Its this what hell feels like? To live high on love, poisoned by rejection and drunk on hate? I'm suffocating! I love her too much Ric… But she loves me not…She remembers it all and still it doesn't make a fucking difference! I had hoped…I hoped for so much… I think she could fucking hate me and I would still love her. _No good I do is good enough, no wrong Stefan does is wrong enough_… The fucking boy wonder!"- he hissed -"I know that I sound like a broken records playing over and over… But I promised her I would never leave her again… so I am trapped here Ric…"- Damon admitted in defeat -"I am a ghost too…Always by her side but invisible…But I can't ignore it Ric… I know we would be good together… our relationship isn't as crazy as it seems. Why won't she let herself see it? When it comes to loving her I can't seem to stop…when it comes to loving me she can't seem to see. All I know Ric is that I love her too fucking much to walk away…"

A loud bang came from behind him and on instinct Damon was up and on the defensive. A cabinet door was ajar and Damon could see a sizable collection of whiskey and bourbon bottles.

Damon chuckled, wiping the tears from his eyes.

"My good man, is this your not so subtle way of saying "Drink and forget? "- Damon smiled reaching for the bottles -"Thank you my friend. "- he raised his glass - "Here is to you and I, the fricking ghosts of Misty Falls. "

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On the other side of town, Elena and Stefan were coming down from the rooftop after having another one of their "epic romance moments". Stefan was still troubled by the events that led to Elena becoming a vampire and his particular role in it. However he also felt peace… Elena was finally eternal, mostly unbreakable and seemingly firmly back on team Stefan. What else could he ask for? But a pang of guilt colored this moment as he thought of his brother out there alone and rejected again…

"A penny for your thoughts?"- Elena interrupted, hugging him around the waist.

Stefan smiled at her, love beaming from his eyes as he caressed her hair.

"I was thinking that you should give your brother a call and let him know that you are all right."

"Oh my God! Jeremy! "- Elena said embarrassed - "I completely forgot."

Stefan chuckled at her panicked expression.

"It tends to happen when your life is in danger you know?"

"Ha ha"- she smiled picking up her phone and dialing Jeremy's number.

"She's alive! "- her brother quipped when he answered.

"Hey Jer" - she said bashfully.

"Good of you to finally call!"

"Im sorry Jer…things got busy"

"I know... Ric told me as soon as it happened. You ok?"

Elena let out a deep sigh.

"Yeah, I will be ok." - she said trying to convince her self as much as she wanted to convince him -"I don't think I will ever get used to having a ghost guardian."- she tried with some humor.

"You better, he is not going anywhere."

"That's a good thing Jer."- she said with feeling.

"Hmmm" – Jeremy chuckled – "I am glad you think so because he left you a message..."

"He did?"

"Yep" – Jeremy replied in his best Damon impression and the dig did not go unnoticed by his sister – "Ric said, and I quote , "Tell Elena to grow up and stop messing around with Damon's heart. How many more chances does she thinks she is gonna get?"

"Oh…"

"Goodnight Elena" – Jeremy singsonged as he hung up.

Elena slowly lowered the phone and raised her wide eyes to meet Stefan's worried expression. The tension in the air was suffocating.

"You heard that…" - it wasn't really a question.

"I did…"

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**AN: Tell me what you think ok? xoxo**


	2. Authors note

**AN: **

**I had requests to continue this one shot but to be honest I am still not convinced that it should be continued - sorry about that. **

**At any rate, I wrote another FF called "Memorial: the things we can't deny" which is in a manner of speaking the next chapter that matches what is going on on the TV series. **

**Go have a look, maybe it is what you guys meant by a follow up to this FF.**

**xoxo**


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